LOTR Cast Offcamera
by pixii-stixii
Summary: This is an all humor story about Legolas and Pinochio switching places[not bodies]. How will Sam, Frodo and Pinocchio save Legolas, and who will they encounter on their quest?
1. The Switch!

[Note :: These characters belong to Disney and LOTR thus- i don't own them (awwes come from the audiance) oh well.. I think i can live.. *dies* ON WITH THE STORY *points infront of her*]  
  
  
  
// Chapter 1 :: The *dun dun DUN* switch  
  
  
  
There were loud, banging knocks on Frodo Baggins front door to his hobbit hole in The Shire. Frodo looked through his handy dandy peek hole in his door and saw legolas outside of his house being attacked by women.  
  
"Sam.. Don't open the door.. It's Legolas and his mob!" Frodo said to sam while trying not to laugh.  
  
"Oh uhmm yeah, alright."  
  
-pound pound- Legolas was screaming and yelling, "AHHH NOO THAT'S NOT YOURS TO TOUCH! Hey ohh.. STOPIT!"  
  
"Mister Frodo, you should let the stupid elf in, but that's if his head doesn't hit the celeing and he doesn't get a concusion.. Remember that one time Legolas was in the hospital for 4 days from hitting his head at the top of our doorway?" Sam bauts his eyelashes at Frodo.  
  
"Sam the eyelash thing doesn't work anymore! Remeber what happened that one time.." ,Frodo glared at Sam.  
  
"Oh.. yeah that one time." Sam looked down and snickered.  
  
Sam made a dart for the door and opened it to let Legolas in.  
  
"GOSH DAMN What were you two doing?! Having wild ass sex or sumthing!!"  
Legolas scowled at Sam and Frodo.  
  
"i wish.." Sam wispered loudly beneath his breath.  
  
"think you could wisper more quitley next time Sam?" Frodo looked sam in the eye.  
  
"Yeah, sure babe whatever.." Sam smiled at Frodo.  
  
"You two are some sick hobbits!" Legolas yelled as he paced the room. He kept looking out of the handy dandy peekhole. The mob was about to knock the door down.  
  
"Frodo make them leeaavee!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!" Legolas pleaded to Frodo who looked like he was about to hit legolas on the head.  
  
Legolas started singing "the rubber ducky" song. "Rubber Ducky, you're the one! You make bathtime lots of-"  
  
He was cut off by Frodo. "OKAY OKAY! That works everytime.."  
  
"You said we were "sick hobbits" and "sick hobbits" AREN'T aloud to do nice things for Leggy." Sam said as he scowled at Legolas.  
  
"Yeah.. Sam's Riiight.." Frodo looked a bit evil.  
  
"What if I let them in??" Frodo looked up and smiled at Legolas. Frodo ran for the door.  
  
"HEY! Atleast let me HIDE first Frodo!" Legolas ran around waving his arms in the air frantically, desprately for a hiding spot in frodo's hobbit hole.  
  
"Alright I'll count down.. 5......4...4 8/67.." Frodo said smirking while holding the door handle.  
  
Legolas ran and tried to fit under the couch. Then he decided that wasn't a good enough spot. So he started for a frying pan that Sam was holding. Legolas ran to Frodo's bed then got under the covers and put the frying pan over his head. He would ocasionally peek out of it while Frodo would be counting down.  
  
"I'm sure they won't see you there Leggy." Sam said sarcastically while poking Legolas in the stomach.  
  
"Geez mon, would'ya stop callin' me Leggy!" Legolas said talking like Sebastian off "the Little Mermaid".  
  
"Would you stop taking Jamacanese? I can hardley understand you talk English Leggy!" Sam said and then giggled like a little girl.  
  
"1 45/72!.. 0!!" Frodo yelled.  
  
The girls truly were a mob. They were physcho i tell you! They were running around everywhere looking for Legolas.  
  
"WHERE DID YOU HIDE HIM YOU HOMOSEXUAL!" some girl yelled.  
  
"Homosexual? Oh you mean me!" Sam said as he picked up a spoon and tried to stuff it down the girl's throat. "Who ever told you such a thing like THAT!"  
  
Pretty soon the whole hobbit hole was Filled with raging women wanting nothing but Legolas and his- well nevermind that.  
  
Legolas popped out from under the frying pan.  
  
"I wanna be a REAL boy!" Legolas- wait Pinochio yelled out.  
  
The girls stared at him in awe. How in the hell could a stupid guy like Legolas turn himself into a wooden puppet. But what we don't know know is that Legolas and Pinochio had switched places. Who knows how but it sure as hell happened.  
  
"Oh my.. Legolas did you just turn into a puppet?" Frodo said looking worried. "or are you just sick?"  
  
Sam felt pinochio/Legolas's forehead, "hmm he feels good to me."  
  
Frodo glared at Sam.  
  
"WHAT! I was just seeing if he was warm." Sam screeched out at Frodo.  
  
All the girls had left by then. Frodo looked at Pinochio.  
  
"Geapedo?? Oh my dear Geapedo??! HEY YOU CURLY-HEADED LITTLE RETARDED LOOKING MEN! Where'd you put my DAAAAAADDDDDDYYYY!?!" Pinochio woke up China with that. He about had a coniption fit until...  
  
  
  
[a.n :: read on my little pink monkey! oh and review if you'd like! ^__^] 


	2. The Search is on!

[disclaimer :: Like i said these people don't belong to me.. *cries*]  
  
  
  
  
// Chapter 2 :: The search is on!  
  
  
  
  
Tinkerbell flies into the room!  
  
"Oh great.. The little puppets got me seeing pixies." Frodo said as he poked tinkerbell.  
  
"Silly mister Frodo, You're not seeing things! That's TINKERBELL! From my favorite movie! er- well.. uh it used to be." Sam said finishing nervously.  
  
"WHO CARES ABOUT THE STUPID PIXIE THAT CAN MAKE PEOPLE FL-.. i mean.. Hi Tink! Did i mention how ravishing you look today?" Pinochio said charmingly to Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell went and sat on Pinochio's shoulder.  
  
"Alright, anyways, Pinochio where were you before you showed up here?" Frodo said while he was glaring at Sam who was making cookies in a pink polka-dotted apron. Sam started humming the tune of the Foldger's Coffee song.  
  
"I'm making a snack for everyone!!" Sam said cheerfully. Frodo looked back at Pinochio.  
  
"I was in a whale." Pinochio said like it was no big deal.  
  
"Oh really.. You just happened to be inside of a whale?" Frodo said while watching Tinkerbell start blinking uncontrollably.  
  
"yep sure was! It was big whale too." Pinochio said happily while using his arms to show how big it was.  
  
"Do you know how to get to this.. whale?" Frodo said intently.  
  
"uhmm.. let me think. hmm, nope!" Pinochio said cheerfully.  
  
"WHAT?!! YOU CAN'T GET LEGOLAS BACK?!" Frodo screamed at Pinochio.  
  
"er- Legolas? That's a weird name.." Pinochio said and then looked down and started laughing really high pitched.  
  
"yeah, well he's an elf." Sam said as he brought over a plate of sugar cookies with pink and purple icing.  
  
"Yeah but still it's so retar-.. wait, did you say elf?? I know some dwarfs that are good friends with elves!" Pinochio said happy that he might be able to get his daddy back. "I know where they live too! Let's get moving."  
  
Pinochio jumped up and down until he hit his head on the ceiling. Sam started laughing then threw a cookie at Frodo who was sitting on his bed talking about some ring and was about to put it on.  
  
"C'mon silly we've gotta go save Leggy!!" Sam yelled as he grabbed Frodo's hand and dragged him to the door.  
  
  
  
  
[a.n :: This chap. isn't really that funny.. It'll be funnier once i get them walking around out in the middle of nowhere.. mehehe keep readin! Oh and sorry this chap. is so short.. Same with the first one. The chapters will be longer soon. ^__^] 


	3. Whee I'm Flying!

[Note :: These characters belong to Disney and LOTR thus- i don't own them (awwes come from the audiance) oh well.. I think i can live.. *dies* ON WITH THE STORY *points infront of her*]  
  
  
  
b// Chapter 3 :: Whee I'm Flying!/b  
  
  
  
We left our heroes off with a quest to find dwarfs that Pinocchio knew. Hopefully they can help them on their adventure to get to there dearly missed friend, Legolas Greenleaf.  
  
"Weeeeeeeeeeeee're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz." Sam sang as he skipped along a path Pinocchio had lead us to.  
  
While Sam was singing Frodo was trying to decide if he should paint his room green, pink, or peach.  
  
"Er- Pinok do you have the slightest clue where we're going?" Frodo said suddenly, stopping Sam from his singing. "and should I paint my room pink, green or peach?"  
  
"hum, I say pink!" Sam protested.  
  
"Yeah that's what I was thinking.." Frodo said.  
  
"Uh, off the room subject I'm looking for my long lost DADDY! And of course I know where I'm going! Maybe.. Probably.. Hopefully.." Pinocchio smiled and he flew into the air and looked over trees. "I can see our path perfectly from here!" Pinocchio called down from the air.  
  
"Eh you know he's not Really your dad.. He just made you kid. You're wood. Is Geppedo made of wood? Didn't think so!" Sam stated.  
  
"He is too my DADDY, hobbit!" Pinocchio said angrily.  
  
"Well I'm Sooooooorry for upsetting you wooden object!" Sam said looking frustrated. "C'mon Frodo lets just throw him in a fire and call it quits."  
  
"Oh. My. Poop. You're joking. We could FLY there so much quicker! Pinocchio you stupid little &$*%#%!*&%$#@!%*&! Why didn't you mention flying!" Frodo screamed going off on a murmuring tantrum to himself.  
  
Soon he was on the ground kicking and screaming until Sam tapped him on the shoulder and said, "It's okay Frodo, you can stop pretending to be 3 now sugar dumpling."  
  
"Sam, HOW many times have I had to tell you that sugar dumpling is me and my grandma's thing! Get it through your little brain mon!" Frodo sighed.  
  
Sam bauted his eyelashes at Frodo. Frodo sighed and hit Sam on the head.  
  
"Ouchie.." Sam said tearing up.  
  
Pinocchio whispered to Tink asking her if she would put pixie dust on them, but it seemed like he said other things. Frodo could make out the words: i'gay, sam, gay, sam, gay, and sam'/i  
  
I'I wonder what he's saying to her.. She's pretty cute for a little pixie, too bad she can't talk'/I Frodo thought to himself. I'All she can really do is erhm- get mad and stomp her feet everywhere.' /I  
  
"Alright, Tink says she won't sprinkle Sam with pixie dust because he appears to gay." Pinocchio had a wide grin across his face.  
  
"I'm not gay!" Sam picked a flower from the ground. He smelt it and smiled.  
  
"My point exactly." Pinocchio said.  
  
"Well what should I do about Sam?" Frodo said pointing to Sam who was gathering flowers and skipping about the dirt path.  
  
"Leave him.." Pinocchio said as he flew into the air with Tink.  
  
"No way you freaky little puppet! Gay or straight Sam is my best friend! I could never just leave him!!" Frodo yelled up to Pinocchio.  
  
"Did I hear you call me Frodo?" Sam said as he walked up to Frodo.  
  
"No it's nothing Sam.." Frodo said quietly. "Sprinkle me Tink!"  
  
Tinkerbell sprinkled Frodo with her pixie dust and as Frodo began flying he motioned Sam to jump on his back. Sam did as he was told and they were flying in the sky. Although they were about 4 feet from the ground. Tinkerbell saw what was going on so she flew down to sprinkle pixie dust on Sam. The three flew into the air after Pinocchio whom was heading toward a big dark gray cloud.  
  
Of course, it began to rain. Soon after there was a rainbow and then it started raining lucky charms! Tinkerbell kept getting smacked painfully by the falling cereal. Frodo again started talking about a ring until -BOOM-  
  
"Ahee ahee ahee!" Sam giggled as he threw a big handful of lucky charms at Frodo.  
  
Tinkerbell was getting pale in color and soon enough we were all falling into a big, fat, juicy forest. And theeen.. I must leave you. lol  
  
  
  
b[a.n :: r/r! I'll get more posted up soon!]/b 


End file.
